kukira telah kuketahui smua... pertanyaan demi pertanyaan tentang hidupku, telah kudapat jawabannya... setelah mengetahui apa yang ada di benak para penjahat dan penghujat itu... kemudian akhirnya bertemu mama setelah terpisah 27 tahun ( tak kukira kan bertemu lagi )... aku seperti lega, tak bernafsu dan emosi, hanya mati rasa... merasa lebih dekat lagi dengan semesta... kembali ke titik nihil, without passion nor desire to live... then two days ago... I've found another answers... and this... I see God... again...
at a one time I've thought about...
batasan antara kehendak manusia dan kehendak-Nya…
berpikir ga… dimana batas antara kehendak-Nya dan kehendak manusia ?!
isu yang termudah adalah soal hubungan percintaan… pada kasus ‘main belakang’… alias guna - guna ( naudzubillahi min dzaliq ) ga sedikit orang yang pastinya penasaran… kalau sampai terjadi… dengan pacarnya mereka pisah… atau mereka merasa sang pacar tiba - tiba berubah… yang di guna - guna supaya jadi kasar lah… seolah ada awan hitam disekitar dia lah ( been there.. been judged by that ).. supaya jadi ga kenal lah ( kenapa ga ada guna - guna yang ngebuat pacar jadi baik yak :-/ .. owh… itu si bukan tujuan utama yak ;)) ) … dan ga sedikit orang juga yang akhirnya… ‘memeriksakan’ keadaan janggal si pacar ini ke ‘orang pintar’ ( naudzubillahi min dzaliq )…
buat gue sih… mau diguna - guna kek… mau dipisahin sama orang tua kek… kalo seseorang sudah dijauhkan dari kita… ya sudah waktunya… dia pergi dari kehidupan kita… alias… bukan jodoh lagi… bukan orang yang baik bagi kita lagi… inget… SEGALA HAL DIDUNIA ADALAH MERUPAKAN TITIPAN DARI-NYA… baik itu harta, jabatan, anak, maupun pasangan jiwa… jadi kenapa kita musti ngotot… musti usaha lagi lebih keras… kalo sesuatu itu memang ditakdirkan sudah tidak lagi untuk kita… dimana batas antara kehendak-Nya dan kehendak kita ?!… ya kita berusaha… kita ikhtiar… Dia yang menentukan…
yang mengusik benakku adalah…
bagaimana… cara kita berpikir dipengaruhi oleh-Nya ?!… sebelum aku ngotot… aku menelaah lebih jauh… smua jawaban dari kekasihku… kenapa… kenapa… dan kenapa… jawabannya seperti yang sulit diterima oleh nalarku… ga masuk di rasio ku… tidak nyata menurut rumusan otakku… urusan bener apa ngga itu si wallahu alam… tapi yang benar - benar mengganggu adalah…
apakah caraku berpikir… cara otakku menerima rasio dan nalar… dipengaruhi oleh-Nya juga ?!… bahwa sang kekasih…. seperti yang mencari - cari alasan… seperti yang menutupi kenyataan… dan intuisi memegang peranan… jadi dimana letak MANUSIA BEBAS BERKEHENDAK ?!… kalau dalam pikiranpun dikendalikan oleh-Nya ?!… mengingat… TAK ADA SEHELAI DAUNPUN JATUH TANPA SEIZIN-NYA… dimana letak kebebasan hati dan otak manusia ?!… saat positif lalu diberi mood negatif ?!… seperti aku ini yang ga juga beranjak buat ngerjain tugas…
hm… kebebasan berkehendak yang semu…
- humble room 010109, setelah tutup telpon, dengar alasan, dan kehilangan kenyamanan -
from 'batas antara kehendak-nya dan manusia…'
http://junkthought.blog.friendster.com/?p=274
for all my life I've been hating her... Ibu, for always crying while she had the 'flashback' moments... gosh Ibu... why you always cry ?! it had happened in the past... will you please get on with your present, think about your future, and never look back to the past ?!... it's hurt and it eats you from inside, and I don't want it kills you slowly... I never cried when she cries... I have to be strong in front of her as I always say :"I will always keep my heart young, wise and strong for you, mom ..."
and the reason why I took my 1st job, why I ignore my study, why I feel like I have the responsibility to take care of Ibu n Ade, beside Nugroho left home, and the fact that I'm the oldest children in the house, did all I can to keep us survive the life we only have, is why Ibu... always seem very careful to take her steps... too much to consider that Ibu was always like... wasting time with her calculation about taking risks , choosing the best job, work, entrepreneur... I was always like... c'mon, mom, just do it, don't think, we're racing with time... well I was young, and all I could do just got a job and give her the spirit of surviving in life...
yeah,... I always hate what Ibu had done, crying all the time, acting slowly and carefully about how to get the money... while I learned after, that's what middle age people do, carefully and unrecklessly...
till two days ago... I will add my lists of 'letting her do what makes Ibu happy' ( o yeah, I never forbid her to do something she like, that those things are the only things that makes her happy... even smoking, and thank God, she's not doing it anymore ) the adds will be 'let her cry' and 'let her choose her way of living', I will just sit and listen, giving solution, never cry so that she'll be encouraged to be strong enough to live the life....
n why is that ?! I've revealed the secret, I believe there're some people out there who have a special gift about knowledge what their life will be... yup it's scary... living the life you knew how the life will turn to be... I bet you keep trying harder, choosing wisely all paths in your life... and how it feels when it will always came to the disaster you had the vision before... it hurts... it eats you from inside... it haunts you always... and Ibu is a strong one... to have the gift and always fight not to see the vision, and still she has the eagerness to live... for the sake of her struggling daughters...
and now... I have the reason... again.. to push myself to my limits, like I used to.. it's late but it's better than never... I will always try much more harder... then if I hadn't got my goal ( naudzubillahi mindzalik ) then it's not my fault... it's... my destiny
https://www.facebook.com/notes/vina-ariestharini/junkthought-2-the-past-revealed/166789803871
at a one time I've thought about...
batasan antara kehendak manusia dan kehendak-Nya…
berpikir ga… dimana batas antara kehendak-Nya dan kehendak manusia ?!
isu yang termudah adalah soal hubungan percintaan… pada kasus ‘main belakang’… alias guna - guna ( naudzubillahi min dzaliq ) ga sedikit orang yang pastinya penasaran… kalau sampai terjadi… dengan pacarnya mereka pisah… atau mereka merasa sang pacar tiba - tiba berubah… yang di guna - guna supaya jadi kasar lah… seolah ada awan hitam disekitar dia lah ( been there.. been judged by that ).. supaya jadi ga kenal lah ( kenapa ga ada guna - guna yang ngebuat pacar jadi baik yak :-/ .. owh… itu si bukan tujuan utama yak ;)) ) … dan ga sedikit orang juga yang akhirnya… ‘memeriksakan’ keadaan janggal si pacar ini ke ‘orang pintar’ ( naudzubillahi min dzaliq )…
buat gue sih… mau diguna - guna kek… mau dipisahin sama orang tua kek… kalo seseorang sudah dijauhkan dari kita… ya sudah waktunya… dia pergi dari kehidupan kita… alias… bukan jodoh lagi… bukan orang yang baik bagi kita lagi… inget… SEGALA HAL DIDUNIA ADALAH MERUPAKAN TITIPAN DARI-NYA… baik itu harta, jabatan, anak, maupun pasangan jiwa… jadi kenapa kita musti ngotot… musti usaha lagi lebih keras… kalo sesuatu itu memang ditakdirkan sudah tidak lagi untuk kita… dimana batas antara kehendak-Nya dan kehendak kita ?!… ya kita berusaha… kita ikhtiar… Dia yang menentukan…
yang mengusik benakku adalah…
bagaimana… cara kita berpikir dipengaruhi oleh-Nya ?!… sebelum aku ngotot… aku menelaah lebih jauh… smua jawaban dari kekasihku… kenapa… kenapa… dan kenapa… jawabannya seperti yang sulit diterima oleh nalarku… ga masuk di rasio ku… tidak nyata menurut rumusan otakku… urusan bener apa ngga itu si wallahu alam… tapi yang benar - benar mengganggu adalah…
apakah caraku berpikir… cara otakku menerima rasio dan nalar… dipengaruhi oleh-Nya juga ?!… bahwa sang kekasih…. seperti yang mencari - cari alasan… seperti yang menutupi kenyataan… dan intuisi memegang peranan… jadi dimana letak MANUSIA BEBAS BERKEHENDAK ?!… kalau dalam pikiranpun dikendalikan oleh-Nya ?!… mengingat… TAK ADA SEHELAI DAUNPUN JATUH TANPA SEIZIN-NYA… dimana letak kebebasan hati dan otak manusia ?!… saat positif lalu diberi mood negatif ?!… seperti aku ini yang ga juga beranjak buat ngerjain tugas…
hm… kebebasan berkehendak yang semu…
- humble room 010109, setelah tutup telpon, dengar alasan, dan kehilangan kenyamanan -
from 'batas antara kehendak-nya dan manusia…'
http://junkthought.blog.friendster.com/?p=274
for all my life I've been hating her... Ibu, for always crying while she had the 'flashback' moments... gosh Ibu... why you always cry ?! it had happened in the past... will you please get on with your present, think about your future, and never look back to the past ?!... it's hurt and it eats you from inside, and I don't want it kills you slowly... I never cried when she cries... I have to be strong in front of her as I always say :"I will always keep my heart young, wise and strong for you, mom ..."
and the reason why I took my 1st job, why I ignore my study, why I feel like I have the responsibility to take care of Ibu n Ade, beside Nugroho left home, and the fact that I'm the oldest children in the house, did all I can to keep us survive the life we only have, is why Ibu... always seem very careful to take her steps... too much to consider that Ibu was always like... wasting time with her calculation about taking risks , choosing the best job, work, entrepreneur... I was always like... c'mon, mom, just do it, don't think, we're racing with time... well I was young, and all I could do just got a job and give her the spirit of surviving in life...
yeah,... I always hate what Ibu had done, crying all the time, acting slowly and carefully about how to get the money... while I learned after, that's what middle age people do, carefully and unrecklessly...
till two days ago... I will add my lists of 'letting her do what makes Ibu happy' ( o yeah, I never forbid her to do something she like, that those things are the only things that makes her happy... even smoking, and thank God, she's not doing it anymore ) the adds will be 'let her cry' and 'let her choose her way of living', I will just sit and listen, giving solution, never cry so that she'll be encouraged to be strong enough to live the life....
n why is that ?! I've revealed the secret, I believe there're some people out there who have a special gift about knowledge what their life will be... yup it's scary... living the life you knew how the life will turn to be... I bet you keep trying harder, choosing wisely all paths in your life... and how it feels when it will always came to the disaster you had the vision before... it hurts... it eats you from inside... it haunts you always... and Ibu is a strong one... to have the gift and always fight not to see the vision, and still she has the eagerness to live... for the sake of her struggling daughters...
and now... I have the reason... again.. to push myself to my limits, like I used to.. it's late but it's better than never... I will always try much more harder... then if I hadn't got my goal ( naudzubillahi mindzalik ) then it's not my fault... it's... my destiny
https://www.facebook.com/notes/vina-ariestharini/junkthought-2-the-past-revealed/166789803871
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